My Story. Pt. I

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Hi, My name is Alexander Bobby Wijaya, in case you didn't know my full name.

Name that my parents gave me, so remember if you're making fun of someone's name in a mean spirit, you're disrespecting the people who gave them.


I write these series of notes because there's been an event I went through, and I found that most people are getting the wrong impression of what I'm trying to achieve. I feel the need to explain myself.

Why do I go and have the trouble of doing this ? Because even though we should NOT judge a book by its cover, some people really does it. I knew someone, who literally judged a book by its cover. Other than this, I just want to share, and I hope from these notes you can get something positive, or at least, entertained.


So, first thing you have to know about me. I consider myself an equalizer. - or I often act like one

Ketika banyak orang overjoyed karena terjadi sesuatu, I smiled once, and pull them all back to the ground. It's not fun, I didn't enjoy it, tapi ketika kita terlalu bergembira, pada banyak waktu akan membuat kita menjadi lengah, bercanda terlalu "asik", dan berakhir terluka. Ketika kita terlalu bergembira, we let our defenses down, dan gw sendiri mengalami beberapa keadaan "overjoyed" yang berakhir ga enak.



And because of this, a LOT of people say that "gw ga asik". Fair comment. To a certain extent, it's true.


Sebaliknya, ketika orang-orang bersedih, keadaan lagi ga enak, or fairly awkward situation where most people in the room is dead silent, I turn the fun button. You may punish yourselves severely for the things that had happened, but change will happen if you have a bit of hope inside. I try to instill that hope.


And because of this, a LOT MORE people say "ah, you're the best", "wow, you really cared for me", "you're the most optimistic person I've ever known." etc. I don't want to go overboard.


I've grown to say the things I need to say, even though people may not like it, to equalize conditions.


Let me take you back to my childhood.

When I was on 2nd grade, there was this classic school bully. His name was Samuel. I remembered him because, because even though he was such an assh*le, his actions led me to stand up and made me a better man.


Gw inget bagaimana uang jajan gw diambil paksa, bagaimana tiap hari gw takut ke St. Paula utk sekolah karena dia sama sekali ga takut main fisik (He was the boy with the biggest body, I was -and still am- a fairly small, skinny kid) Gw masih inget bagaimana dia selalu sukses bikin gw nangis karena, well, he's a bully.


I befriended this chubby, geeky, but really sweet girl. Honestly, I forgot her name. But thanks to Samuel, I can never forgot her.

I was pretty close with the girl, one time, I even said to my dad that I feel like she's a big sister to me. Whenever I cried, she was there calming me down. Whenever big Sam took away my break time snack, she gave me some candies that she brought from home.



One day, after school, Samuel decided to went overboard and bullied a girl, you guessed it, he messed her up.

The girl who I a considered my big sister. He called her a "fat pig", and well, physically hurt her.


She cried and cried, and I was there, watching from a distance.

When I walk towards her, trying to do stuff she'd always do when I cried, she gave me the look, the eyes, that til' this very day I can never forget. A look that says "why didn't you do something ?!" She got up wiped the tears herself, and went home before I even got the chance to say anything. The next day, and the day afterwards, she spoke to me only if she really needed to.


From that day, an anger began to grow inside me.


So, we got to 3rd grade, she went to another school. I was still at St.Paula, feeling lonelier than I've ever been.

Big Sam was still the bully that he is, though I cry less often because I was getting used to it.

Then one lonely day, after school, I was thinking about her and big Sam decided to pull my ear.


Her eyes, that look, glanced in my mind and I screamed and shoved him as hard as I could to a cupboard in the class, it broke the hinges.



Next day, big Sam got his parents to came down to the school. And I was never the same. (Hey, at least I never had my parents came over to talk for me getting bullied)


Years passed, I went back to St. Caroline, dan sejak saat itu setiap kali ada seorang bully di sekolah gangguin seseorang, gw selalu bertindak. Mungkin tidak selalu dengan kekuatan fisik gw, karena tetep gw cowo paling mungil, tapi sering gw sprint ke ruang guru en ngadu sejujur-jujurnya kalo menjadi saksi terjadinya bullying.



I consider myself a hero. Even though, the truth is I got arrogant, I wasn't.


I became a bully's bully. Percayalah, SD-SMP banyak temen2 yang ngajak gw ribut. (So now you know why I took TaeKwonDo and Karate back then) Either karena gw bales perkataan mereka yang nyakitin dengan perkataan yang lebih menyakitkan, atau karena gw arogan.

Percayalah, I got very arrogant to a point that my older brothers humbled me. Both of them kicked my ass, literally.

I learned that I have to use this "ability" to a certain, select boys with the specific intent to hurt others.


So now you know why I'm not very gentle to, well, male. As weird as it sounds.


And obviously why sometimes I seemed to be a playboy (or kata mantan gw, menel =p) because I try to be very gentle, nice and protective to every female I know.

The Best Selling Book in the world (and most shop-lifted too) tells us to treat younger women as our little sisters, and the older women as mothers, that's what I'm doing.


It is my mentality to bully a bully, especially if the victim's defenseless, more especially, if a guy tries to hurt a girl, physically or mentally.


And most especially, if someone tries to hurt the ones I love.


Believe me, I had a nunchaku ready when three tough guys claiming to be cops used some nasty words on my mom.

Believe me, I was ready to punch a guy who first threatened to punch my aunt.


As "evil" as I am, I'm as nice as Barney (the purple dinosaur, not the legen-waitforit-dary one) to kids, as gentle as I can be towards the opposite sex. As much as I love to fight, I have a tender side I'm not cool enough to hide, ask my mother, she and I argued when on my 21st birthday I wanted to do something "big", and wanted to be a liver donor for baby Bilqis. True story. Ask her.


I am an equalizer.

The misfortunes I had when I was a kid, made me an equalizer.

I hate bullies and people who hurt others only for their amusement, I hate their conducts with a passion.

I am a bully's bully.


Of course, I grew up. I let go TKD and Karate because it only helped fueling my aggresiveness. I took up Aikido because I learned that it teaches purely self defense techniques for self preservation rather than teaching me some striking or punching, or kicking techniques to defend (see the irony ?), and I recently started to learn Brazilian Jiu Jitsu cuz' I think it's effective for small guys like myself (not to mention it's AWESOMELY COOL)

Dan tiap kali ada temen yang dikata2in karena yang ngata2in cuma mau ngata2in, I do my best to tell the victim otherwise. Bahkan kadang gw jawabin balik tuh preman kampung, kalo dia sudah sangat amat keterlaluan tentunya.


The equalizer folks.

*bows, exit stage.*

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Bobby, my name is Oliver and I like this post.
If you don't mind I'm asking, have you tried finding that chubby girl? If I were you, those memories will keep bugging me as well and of course I would feel guilty for not standing up for her. :(

Bee~ said...

Hello, Oliver, sorry it took so friggin long to reply, but I have no - or I don't know - means of notification system in this blog.

I never cross paths with her again, "the trail's gone cold". Even if I did met her, we both probably wouldn't recognize each other.

I guess her part in my life is done, as well as mine in her's.

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